They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
