There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
