And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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