I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
