Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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