Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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