I got chris browned last night
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
