this boner is exhausting
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
