today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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