It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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