I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
false alarm, still single
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