You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
