WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
