God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
