Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
