Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
