id be glad to
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How does it feel to date your dad?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
