I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
