i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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