She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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