he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
