Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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