Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
