i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
