Moan for me like Helen Keller
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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