I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
