So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
