Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
