Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
