i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
