Fine. I'll sleep in my office
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
