porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Someone signed my nipple.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize