I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
