I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
