ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize