So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
