worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
