I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
