I just pynch a tree in the face
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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