So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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