I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We're too hungover to prance.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
