this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
