i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
