my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
