You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
