Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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