i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
