I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize