He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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