I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
