to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
