we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
