I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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