Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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