YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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