My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just high enough for therapy.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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