im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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