I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
