i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
