Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I want a musical about memes.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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