Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
