I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
