Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
