just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
