I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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