i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
a search helicopter?!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
