Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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