I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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