Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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