on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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