Umm I'm too high to move.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
