She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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