I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize